Boost Your Self-Esteem, from Ask the Experts' John Thurman : Sage ...

Boost Your Self-Esteem, from Ask the Experts? John Thurman

Control, Alter, and Delete Your Limits, Part #2

Part one

- Adapted from ?Erase Your Limits? by John Maxwell

Ask the Experts | John Thurman

Here are the four tips that will boost your self-esteem.

Tip # 1 ? Supervise your self-talk. Right now, whether you realize it or not, you are having a running conversation with yourself.

Here is the question: Is it a life-giving conversation or a energy-stealing one? If the conversation is positive and hope-filled, you are creating and sustaining a positive view of yourself. If you are negative, you undermine your self-worth.

You diminish the fact that God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

In their book ?The Answer,? businessmen-authors John Assaraf and Murray Smith talk about the negative messages children receive growing up. They write:

By the time you?re 17 years old, you?ve heard ?No, you can?t? an average of 150,000 times. You?ve heard ?Yes, you can? 5,000 times. That?s 30 nos for every yes, creating a powerful belief of ?I can?t so, why even try??

Wow! That is a lot to overcome. If we want to change our lives, we need to change the way we think about ourselves. Ethel Waters, a famous jazz and gospel singer, whose birth was the result of her mother?s rape, spoke for us all: ?I know I?m somebody ?cause God don?t make no junk.?

You need to learn to become your own encourager, your own cheerleader. Every time you do a good job, don?t just let it pass; give yourself a compliment. Every time you choose discipline over indulgence, recognize how much you are helping yourself. When you do make a mistake, don?t bring up everything that is wrong with yourself; tell yourself that you are paying the price for growth and that you will learn to do better next time. Every positive thing you can say to yourself will help.

Tip # 2 ? Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparing yourself to others is a needless time- and energy-sucking experience that only makes you feel bad. Your mission is to become better today than you were yesterday. You do that by focusing on what you can do today to improve and grow. Do that enough, and if you look back and compare the you of weeks, months and years ago to the you of today, you should be greatly encouraged by your progress.

Tip #3 ? Stretch your limiting beliefs. Some of you might be saying something like, ?When it comes to believing in myself, I am an agnostic.?

It is sad that too many people think this way about themselves. They don?t believe they can accomplish great things. But the greatest limitations people experience are the ones that they impose on themselves. Businessman Charles Schwab said, ?When a person has put limits on what they will do, they have put a limit on what they can do.?

Tip #4 ? Build up others. People with low self-esteem often see themselves as inadequate or feel like victims (which often starts because they actually have been victimized in their past), and they overfocus on themselves. They can become self-protective and selfish because they feel they have to survive.

If this sounds a little close to home, one of the best ways you can combat those feelings is by serving others and working to add value to their lives. Making a difference ? even a small one ? in the lives of others lifts one?s self-esteem. It is hard to feel bad about yourself when you?re doing something for someone else. In addition, adding value to others makes them value you more. It creates a cycle of positive feeling from one person to another.

Hoping that you will choose to have a great day!

Ask the Expert a question

Ask the Experts panelist John Thurman is a licensed marriage and family therapist with Christian Therapy Services in Albuquerque. Find him at johnthurman.net.

To ask John a question, type your question in the comments field below. Or email your question to john@johnthurman.net or sage@abqjournal.com.

About John Thurman

John is seasoned, licensed counselor with more than 35 years of experience helping individuals, couples and families ?Get a Grip on Life? by using a practical, forward-looking style that blends the principles of positive psychology with a down-to-earth, common sense approach. John and his wife have been on their own relationship adventure for the past 40 years.

?While we have no control over the past we do have control over our future? is his motto.

Disclaimer: Articles posted by John Thurman are not intended to in any way be a substitute for professional help.

Source: http://www.abqjournalsage.com/2012/11/21/headline-91/

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